Limitations

Our God gave each of us limitations. Try as we may, there are many things we just can’t do! But, that same God gave us things we can do better than most. We must learn to work harder with our gifts, and stop comparing ourselves to someone that can do things we can’t. Most of the excitement in our lives falls into our own can-do range. And there are people who can do things we can’t; often those people cause us to have a lesser opinion of ourselves. Many of those things that we can’t do and they can should be changed into things we enjoy watching others do. They can be looked upon as entertainment. Things we can just sit back watch and enjoy. We must learn to reap the outcome without having to think we are a lesser person because someone else can do things or think things we can’t? Years ago, I learned that there were many limits on what I was capable of doing! And, as I started setting goals for myself, I tried to set them within my limits. When and if I reach that goal, I would reset my goal a little higher next time, and try a little harder, but, each time I reached my first goal, it always made me feel good! I often wonder if some set their goals so high they never reach them. Could that be the reason that some never appear happy? Our lives and our abilities are continually being set for us by unseen and seen others, our laws, our religions, our parents, and the society around us. Many around us will tell us what we should not do, because in someone else’s eyes that is wrong, but seldom are we told what is right! Our entire world sets limitations on us, and then judges each of us by their standards others have set!. Sadly I have learned that most of the limitations set on me by others were one size fits all! I believe that our God created each of us differently. I believe that only He set each of our true standards. I don’t know about you, but for me, that one size fits all just does not fit me! Often, I like to spread my wings and fly! I don’t want limitations set by others to cause me to feel like a bird in a cage! Some of the limitations placed on us, can cause serious implications for us, if we stray too far. I prefer to go by the limitations I put on myself as my standard. I started setting those standards for me the first time my grandma said “Bob we both know you can be better than that!” But, she left the how much better up to me! I have worn out many pairs of shoes by overstepping lines others have tried to draw for me. But, it’s still my grandma’s words that limit how far I allow myself to overstep. I do not believe that it is possible for anyone else to read the true feeling that is in someone else’s heart. And, I do not believe that someone else’s “thou shall not”, will fit in that other person’s heart. I believe everyone should have standards, but I believe those standards should be that person’s standards. For, only each of us can truly know what is deeply planted in our very own beating heart! I feel very uneasy, when someone else tries to interpret what is in my heart! The interpretations of others has broken many, otherwise good person’s hearts! Long ago I learned that it is far more important to listen and to speak! I have met several dozen people that have told me that a quick thoughtless word from their former pastor caused them to pull away from religion entirely! Thoughtless words can come easy, but often the consequences of those words last a lifetime! I find it difficult to find forgiveness for those, in a leadership position, that have not learned to think out each word before leaves their lips! I feel that each of us needs to learn our limitations and then learn to stay within those limitations!

Here

My first memory of the Great Depression was the freight trains, each with dozens of men riding on the tops of cars or inside the empty boxcars. All were going “someplace else!” I noticed that the trains with the most men riding on them were the trains heading west. At that time, I always pictured that someplace else as always a place out west. Being a little kid at the time, I always pictured all those men, riding on those trains, when they got to that someplace else, they would change clothes, buy a 10 gallon hat, wear cowboy boots and shoot Indians! I never could understand that shoot Indians part, but that was what all the men “out west” were doing each Saturday when I would take my 10 pennies and buy a ticket to the double feature picture show. I understood that what they were doing was good because the good men were always wearing those big white hats and all the bad men were either wearing feathered headdresses or black hats! One strange thing that I always remember; was it was always just men riding on those trains. I can’t remember seeing one woman! Several of those men I talked to told me that when they made it out there, they would send for the wife and kids. It made me wonder if that someplace else was like a swimming pool that the man had to dip a toe into to test the water temperature before the family could jump in the water with them. I also wondered where those wives and kids were staying until the men found that “someplace else.” Several of the kids at my school had to live with other families while their dads were “out looking.” But, you must remember I was just a little kid at the time and little kids weren’t supposed to worry about such things! But, I did and still do! Later in my life, I find many still talking about the someplace else of their dreams. I also hear many say that they want “to get away from it all!” Even today, I find many unhappy, and many continuously dreaming about going someplace else, any place else! Why not try to make our here more attractive to each of us? When I’m here; I know which side of the bedroom the bathroom is on. Even in the dark. If I want a snack all I have to do is open the door of my refrigerator, and I know right where that snack is. If I eat something that doesn’t agree with me, I know which shelf the Tums are on, they too even in the dark! I’m just more comfortable at my here than when I’m someplace else. And as I think about it, wasn’t this here where I am today, the someplace else, for me, when I came to it? Yes, that was before I had moved into it! I wonder why many of us look upon our here as boring and any someplace else as exciting? Could it be; we have made ourselves boring and unexciting and we expect others in that someplace else to provide the excitement we no longer find in ourselves? We find those others providing our excitement for only a short time, and then it’s time to start looking another, a more exciting someplace else. Most of us would pick a someplace else for short time but we have to realize is up to each of us to keep our here the exciting place it once has. And to keep that excitement for a long time! Truthfully, is it the someplace else that makes us feel better? Or, do we feel that we can be a different someone else when we get there? When we get to that someplace else we usually find everything squeaky clean and everything in order, but how long do you think it would take us to make it just another here? It’s hard to imagine our here is as exciting as a someplace else, but wasn’t it once? Now tell me, who really made that here the way it is today? What or who are we really trying to run away from or look for? My Grandma use to tell me,”Be careful how you make your nest. You may have to live in it for a long time!”

Reason

How long has it been since anyone brought up the subject of reason to you? What is this reason stuff I’m talking about? Well it’s; reason to live, reason to die, the reason to be the person you feel you are in your heart or the reason you feel you should be that person you are expected to be, in the eyes of the rest of the world? Or maybe a reason to stop doing something that feels good to you, but brings hurts to you or to others. How do we really find out about this reason stuff? The best way is to find support from a person or group that has been down that road before you. True reason cannot be found in books, because most books are “one-size-fits-all.” True reason cannot be found in the bottle of pills. They too are usually that same “one-size-fits-all!” True reason is found in the good and bad scars of others who are willing to talk about how they got the scars! I would much rather hear it from person telling me; this is what happened to me and this is what I did about or what I’m doing about. It has to be better than someone holding up a book and then reading a bunch of “though shall not’s” from that book! Most of us have already done many of those “thou shall not’s” in that book! And, some of them felt awfully good! But, maybe like me, I knew at the time they were hurting me! Please, give me purpose, or reason to change, don’t keep telling me what I should have done! All those should haves are history; don’t keep rubbing my nose in things that cannot be changed. Help me find reason to make my life and the life of others better! I do not want another “size that fits all,” in my life, because, that “one size” never seems to fit me. To me it’s like trying to put on a pair of shoes that really didn’t fit. I always expect a reason to be put there! I know I’m not going to Hell! So, don’t try to use that threat on me! I’m scarred from the bottoms of my feet to my knees from stumbling over those Ten Commandment rocks and, as I look forward in my life I can see many more of those rocks in my road ahead. I’ve learned that each time I stumble, and I hurt no one else, all I have to do is pick myself up and keep walking. As I grow older, I’m finding it harder each time I have to lift myself back up. Ahead I can see two things; I can see a long road with lots of those same big rocks and I can also see a fork in the road. One off to the side looks newly paved. As far as I can see I can see there is no more of those big rocks in that road. Now, show me reason to make that turn! And, don’t hand me a lot of that Heaven or Hell stuff! Just give me reason to make that term! One other point: sometimes, fulfilling another person’s needs is not giving that person reason. Often filling a person’s need is like giving an alcoholic his first drink of the day. You have fulfilled that person’s needs at the time, but you must remember that after that first drink there will never be a last! You may feel good fulfilling a person’s need, but that glass you just bought and handed to him was not full of reason!

I Don't Understand

I’ve been watching my TV and reading my newspapers about all of the excitement in the Catholic Church. Much of the language used in the church is beyond me and much of the formality forces me to ask questions. I wonder if; most of the people wearing robes and skullcaps ever truly speak to God. If they receive answers from Him? And, if they receive those answers, do they truly believe them as His will? Why do some many, deemed authorities in the church, have to form a conclave that has to be held behind locked doors and then have to vote on the next pope? If they talk to God and receive answers aren’t those answers God’s will? Isn’t this vote thing a man thing? Why is there a need for black or white smoke? My God makes a decision only once, it is His will. When he answers a question, it is answered only once, with never a change in God’s mind. So, why is more than one vote needed? God is not going to give different answers to dozens of people asking the same question. If, they are all listening to the same God. God’s will has no need for vote from mortals. I get many of my answers from my God when my hands are dirty, when I’m working and in work cloths. I can’t recall him answering any of my questions while I’m locked in a room, unless it’s my bathroom. It really makes me wonder if; in many instances man has been trying to overpower God with man’s importance. And, by making so much noise of his own that he can’t really hear God’s words? Is that why organized religions needs to vote? Is most of it nothing more than that black and white smoke? Man can never be God the creator of all things, no matter what he wears or is called. Under all the robes, titles, and crowns man is still nothing more than man. No matter what title we bestow on ourselves, we’re still only a grain of sand on the beach. That is my reason for my lack of understanding. For me; my God is my friend, my companion, and never something to fear. And, certainly not a lot of pomp and circumstance! I guess I’m too common to understand all of formal stuff. For years I had the feeling that many religious “authorities” had a special doorway with God, but after watching this performance and concluding that maybe they are all mortals just like all the rest of us. It makes me proud that I have the relationship with my God that I have.

Pretenders

Pretenders All of the pretenders are not on the stage or on the screen, many put on a show anytime they think someone else is looking. Many try to be someone they really don’t want to be, because they feel that’s what is expected of them. There is much hatred of my country today. In my nearly 9 decades I have found many good people showing an unbelievable hatred for other good people. Much of this hatred is pretended hatred, but hatred is an ugly that goes all wait to the bone and shows in person long after it is turned off. It is like a hurt the leaves ugly scar. And, a person carries that scar all of the rest of their life. Most of us are pretenders. We use this as a means of getting things we want, or maybe for not doing things we don’t want to do. One of the most common pretenders is the religious pretenders, many are the ones that tell us that we should be good, while they are doing bad things themselves. Many use proper language in their place of worship and then revert to the language of the street as soon as they walk out the door. Most people like, or are impressed by robes and crowns and even certificates, while not even asking if they were not warranted or earned. Most kids will up trying to pretend. And usually their parents encourage it. By pretending to be a pilot, I had a leather helmet and a pair of goggles. I flew thousands of hours in the backseat of my dad’s car. I’m sure you’ve heard mothers say something like; isn’t she cute dressed just like a movie star? Could our lives be nothing more than one big pretend? Most of us dress, not the way we really want, but to give others impression that we are something else. Hasn’t the name brand clothing industry made a fortune off small tags? Usually the food isn’t that much better in an upscale restaurant, but we like to be seen eating in places like that. Pretend makes us feel important, but importance of is not made by pretense. Importance is not made by big cars, expensive clothes, or hob-knobbing with rich people. Have you ever heard the saying; I’d like to buy them for what I think they’re worth and sell them for what they think they’re worth? It’s all a pretense! Many places that call themselves religious institutions are nothing more big business. Behind those closed doors the profit and loss sheet is almost as important as the Holy Books! In our world today, it’s hard to know who anyone really is. I’m sure God knew what he was doing when he decided that all of our chocolate coating, all of our pretending, would turn into dust, while our inner self, that part we cannot touch, returns him untarnished.

Dont Toy With God

Last Sunday I had friend come up to me and jokingly asked me; if the next time I talk to God would I ask him what his favorite cereal is. I have asked my God hundreds of questions and received hundreds answers, but to me my God is respect. I would never even think of asking questions like that! That question has ground on me ever since it was ask. I just could not figure out how to answer it, but I’ll try. First, each time I mentioned God I may also use the terms Father in Heaven, my Friend, He, Him or the Creator. You must realize I’m referring to the starter of all things, the creator of all things. Number one of all things, actually the starting point of all things! I’m going to list some of things I know or have been told; God is a spirit, he is of no sex, neither male nor female, but a spirit. Spirits have no need for food, drink, or anything of value. No stuff! Spirits are all-knowing. God has never lived a mortal life. God is the one God of all religions! God does not wear a wristwatch. God’s time is far different than man’s time. A day in God’s time can be 1 million years or a blink of the eye in man’s time. I’ve been taken places and shown things that would have taken hours in man’s time, but they happen between my heart beats! The problem is man tries to relate everything to him and fails to realize he isn’t it true starter of anything Much of God’s world travels at the speed of thought, while man pats himself on the back for accomplishing things that travel at the speed of sound! In God’s world man is just another grain of sand on the beach. Man’s problem; what should I have for breakfast? God’s problem; should I have an asteroid strike the earth and kill all the mortals so that I can start over in another million years? Yes there is a difference!

Our Boring World

The blessings missed by others make me wonder if their lives can be as empty as they think they are. Blessings, opportunities, and excitement all must be looked for to be found. If one staggers through life only noticing the bad things, the negatives, one feels that nothing good ever happens to them. A special friend of mine just had a birthday, I suggested that friend make it a list of all the remember things of the past year that caused a smile. More than an hour later I found my friend sitting, with pen in hand, looking at a blank sheet of paper! Nothing in twelve months of life worth smiling about! I had smiled at many of the things of my friend had told me, but I always look for the positives. It is like in all of life we only find what we’re looking for. I was not really surprised when I was told my friend was taking pills for depression. Each week I asked dozens what they had learned that was exciting in the past week or when appropriate, what blessings they had received in the past week. I have found it hard for me to believe how few have found in the excitement in their lives, or any blessings. What they refer to as their lives, would bore me to no end! I have yet to see the day that I could not fill several pages with my day’s excitement and blessings! I guess one of the things bothers me the most is; because of my health, my word shrinks more every day, but in my much smaller world I still find much excitement. While many with the whole world before them, only look for negatives and hate. Out of my window I see a wonderful world; apparently many have pulled down their shades and can see nothing good out of their windows. They see nothing of the world I see. By looking at the world facing you, by looking at the expressions on those faces, you can easily tell those who have pulled down their shades. There are many things in our world today are worth smiling about. There are also many things in our world today are worth frowning about. We have to make a choice. It’s your world not someone else’s world to choose our life for us, but so many are just too lazy to choose their own “your world” to live in! It’s just that it’s your world, your life is what you make of it. No one else is to blame, it’s your world you live in the way you want to live it.

Dreams and Fantasies

There are dreamers and there are those who fantasize and then there are others with hearts full of dreams that will never be let out because they are afraid of “what others might think”. They are afraid of being different but, that is what our dreams are for! Dreams and fantasies are the tools in our hearts that make us different. That’s what makes each of us an individual. That’s what keeps us from being a rubber stamp of everyone else! My definition of a dreamer is; one who thinks of something different and then says to themselves “I know I can figure out a way to make it happen.” The one who fantasizes, dreams the same dream and then says to themselves “I wish someone would figure a way to do that”, never realizing that they had the power to do just that. To me, my dreams are the spark that ignites the flame of making things happen. My goal has always been to find a way to make IT happen. Looking back I can’t remember ever saying “I give up” there always has to be a way. In my heart I have always felt that if I can dream it, I can find a way to make it happen! No one ever told me that making a dream happen would ever be easy. God has given most dreamers the ability to visualize their dreams. Some might call this daydreaming. I call it one of God’s gifts! We must thank the dreamers for getting us out of the dark ages. Many of those who fantasize write excellent novels. They have the ability to dream things the way they wish they were and then have the ability to put those dreams into words. They have the ability to place their dreams in a world of make believe. I guess you could say that those of us who dream use more logic in our dreams. To me the most gifted of the dreamers are those who have the ability to both dream and fantasize they are able to dream into the future. They are the ones that dream “the impossible dream” and then make it happen. They are the ones that use the stepping stones of today to walk us into the unforeseen future of tomorrow. God filled each of our hearts with dreams. The more of our dreams we bring forth and fulfill the easier we’ll find it to open our hearts for our next one. If we hide our dreams and share them with no one, we are robbing ourselves of the creative part of our heart. Sooner or later that heart will wither and fade away leaving only the shell that held all of our dreams, hopes, promises, and joys of our youth. The poorest people on earth are those unwilling to open their hearts to let their dreams flow from those hearts. Also, high on my don’t like list, are those that try to make others dream “their way”. Each person’s dreams and fantasies are different, even for identical twins. Our dreams are similar to our finger prints in that no two are the same. That’s what makes each an individual. Today’s schools are the place to learn of the dreams and accomplishments of others. The teachers are there to ignite that spark that opens hearts and minds of inquisitive young people. We cannot afford to let the unruly and undisciplined control those classrooms. Our dropout rate is way too high. We must find a better way to encourage those young dreamers. Those who WANT to learn. Those who know in their hearts that they can find the dreams “to make it better”! Without our dreams and fantasies we all would be no more than the walking dead and sad to say I don’t have to look far to see more and more of this in today’s society. It’s our duty to encourage our kids to dream THEIR dreams but we must not try to change those individual dreams God put in each of their hearts. Many of our greatest inventers had the ability to take the completed dreams of others and then improve on them. Today this is known as progress. It seems that God puts some of the greatest dreams in the hearts of the least of us. Great dreams are not restricted to race, creed, color or the amount of money in your bank account, each time you dream just thank your God for the blessing. This one is for Sam.

My World

I’m back, with a few more scars, but I now have it back under control! The me I like better is back in control! All, or maybe I should say most of, the negatives that unloaded on me are back in their place. Was it a learning experience? You bet it was! Now back to my subject; my world, or maybe I should say the world my God and I put to gather for me is, I can’t really say it’s a wonderful world, but it is not that bad a place to live in. I still find myself continually looking for those good things to walk through the door of my life. I now know that I have to be a little more selective when that door is open, I have learned that an open door is also an invitation for all of the bad things standing around just waiting to sneak in. Long ago I learned that those negative things made me feel sad and unimportant and all the positive things helped me feel good. That was the time in my life that I became over confident and a bit selfish. I’m sure we’ve all said it; it can’t happen to me. I started believing all those positive things were put in my world “just for me!” As I started seeing all of those “just for me” things I forgot that my world also had a lot of bad things floating around. I had learned that many times others would blindly walk past blessings that I knew were put there just for me to see. I would have never believed that bad stuff could also have been put there “just for me to see!” As I talked to others, I found myself amazed by how many were only finding negatives in their lives! I found many that, in their quest for ugly, they were trampling over the unseen beauty and blessing put before them, never realizing the beauty of those things before their presence! I learned that beauty only remains beauty until someone brings ugly into the picture. I learned that many times beauty is surrounded by ugly. I’m reminded of a lighthouse that I was photographing on an island off of Washington State. Everything was “just right!” The light was great, the sky was blue, an old schooner was just off shore, but I wanted to get that “just right” angle. As I concentrated on my subject I walked out into a briar patch. The instant before I pushed the shutter button both of my feet slipped under a vine and I fell face down in that field of thorns! As I put my hands down to push myself up, there was nothing under my hands but thorns! I had to lay there until help arrived! I got my picture, but by that time nothing was the same! Sometimes we have to endure a little pain to find that beauty! It brought back the memory of a childhood friend that always warned me “Bob you got to remember, it ain’t always gonna be easy!” The world of my youth, always found me wondering what was over the next hill or around the next turn. Of my mid life, it was, one beautiful place after another, often looking for that special sunrise or sunset. My today’s world is limited to a few hours work, then several hours spent looking out my front window, while relaxing in the comfortably nest I’ve created for myself. It’s a great world! I now have the time to watch plants and animals grow. I have time to do things that I was always too busy to do before! Yes, Bob’s head is again back on straight!!!

Truth Or Storytelling

A few days ago, the award winning movie director, Oliver Stone made a statement that really made me start to think. He said, “We don’t know what the dialog really was, so we fill in the blanks the way we think it should have been!” I’ve been told that my God sometimes speaks the same words to several, but each finds a different meaning in those same words. I believe words are given to us as starting points, and then we are to digest those words in our hearts and then use them as each heart sees them. Something that has surprised me is; how often I can go back and reread my older essays and find new meaning in them, an entirely different meaning than I originally planned. Throughout our world, we still can find tribes that have no written history. Their history is passed down by “Storytellers.” I have never heard them referred to as historians. Could it be that history always looks better with a little embellishment? In all wars, all religions, in life in general there is always two rights and two wrongs. It always depends upon which side you are on! Even your belief! Could it be that quite often we have to bend reality to make it sound right? One time, when talking about life, Steve Jobs said “Sometimes we don’t know how to push the right key.” I might add, sometimes we can’t find that “right key!” Sometimes we must rethink the margins of our pages so that we leave room for our side notes. Often we find those side notes to be the most important part of our writing! That is the place we rethink all we have written. I look upon all religions as storytelling. Even though, most will tell you that they believe their “Holy Book” to be the word of God. I can’t remember ever being told that they know it to be God’s word! We must remember most have been translated from hearsay. And we all know that man has a history of controlling facts to fit his beliefs, of filling in the blanks. The way he thought it should have been done! And, most of us want to fill in those blanks our way! The more thought I give to my deciding what is truth and what is storytelling is something like a juggling act. Truth is what each of us feels in our own heart. Storytelling is what most of us has learned to accept as truth. Each of us must decide what is right for us.

It Can't Happen To Me

But, it has!!! I still see all the beauty in my world. I still see all my blessings, but when I look up I see a dark cloud hovering just over my head! Somehow, in my world of positives, I have let my door open just a crack and a bunch of negatives came rushing in! Suddenly I find myself a comforter that needs comforting! I could look over to my side and ask “why me God, why me”? But, why ask a question if you already know the answer? For several months, apparently I have been letting a few of those negatives that surround me slowly creep in. This past week something happened that kicked the chair, of stability, out from under me as I sat down. I will not try to comfort others until I get my own head back on straight. I know that I would just be exposing those already hurting to my hurts. For the next few weeks I will be posting blogs that have been written in advance. I’ll start publishing new blogs when I get myself under control. I now know how easy it must be for some to take a few pills or drinks to deaden the pain, but they are just band-aids that cover hurts for a short time. Many have found those “hurt deadeners” just adding more hurts. I now can understand why some take a hand-full of those pills to end those hurts forever! I’m sure that my God didn’t give me my hurts for me to look for an easy out. I’m sure they have been given to me as a learning tool for me to use for others, but truly, this is one of the most difficult tools that I have ever been handed! Today, I find my world the same, but entirely different! Suddenly little things, seldom thought about things, jump at me with new meaning! I’m finding this blessing from my God to be the most difficult for me to understand. But, with my understanding of those deep hurts in me, with a deeper understanding of those hurts in me, I’ll have the ability to feel those hurts and maybe have a better understanding of the causes. Maybe my hurts are there to show me ways to better help and comfort others. I know that God never hands me more than He already knows that I can handle! I’ll see you again early next year. But, right now I have a mountain to climb.

Just Bob

Most of my life has been filled with things I have wondered about, questions I have asked, and just talking to people. Maybe the most important part is I’m learning how to listen. Often I feel that I’m the only one left that will listen. Many times I feel the hurts of others in my heart. I feel I’m in this world to comfort others. There are times that I feel too close to some to be able to feel their pain. That saddens me and is something I’m trying to overcome. I have hurts, things that bother me, things that may be overlooked by others, many are God things. We have been given many exciting new teaching tools, but many teachers are still using the tools of our fathers and grand fathers. I’m uncomfortable with how commercial, big business, and scripted many of today’s religions have become. Much of today’s teaching reminds me of a concert where every note has been practiced and when the concert begins there is no room left between the notes for God to step in. I find this especially true in those large TV churches. They have just so much air time and just so much money to spend. Each second must be scripted and each of those seconds must end up on the profit side of their books. As I listen, I find it hard for me to understand how God’s time can be balanced against the time spent asking for money, but I guess that show must go on! It bothers me when I listen to those teachers and then walk away feeling that I was exposed to an editorial based on that person’s interpretation of what it says in the book. I find myself troubled when I look at all religions. Religion could be so simple! I’m sure most will agree that everything has a starting point, a creator; in my religion I call that starting point God! Now tell me why millions have been killed, because of that point we all agree upon, but just because we walk through different doors to get there. Why can’t we find ways to look at how we are all the same, not why we are different? Many times I find that God changes our lives in unforeseen and unplanned ways. Sometimes He just seems to sneak one in on us! An example of that is; many years ago I heard a second hand story about a little girl that stuck in my mind while many other things fell through. She came running home from Sunday school. As she ran up to her mother she told her mother that they were going to need an extra blanket on her bed that night, she said her teacher told her that the “Comforter cometh!” That one word “comforter” has always stayed up front in my mind. I find many hurting people finding me with their hurts. Many ask me questions that they know that I can’t answer, but they know that I will listen to their question. And, they know that as we part there will always be a hug. If I find they must have answers, I never quote those answers from a “Holy Book” as many have looked there for those answers and failed to find them. I have never been very good at reading from a book, so I go to my God and ask that words will be put in my mouth that will please Him. I find that comfort is sometimes beyond words. Many times we have to share those hurts in our hearts with nothing more than a long hug. That one touch often can say more than a thousand words. Well that’s it. That’s all there is to me! Hope you know me a little better. I hope you realize why I’m just Bob, a good listener.

Evil

After the tragedy in that New England grade school I have found many trying to understand how things like that can happen. How can a person like that, such an evil person, grow up unnoticed in a country like ours? Many are questioning just what causes evil like that and what causes someone like him to become an evil person that could cause so much misery and heartache to so many. I wondered, were some people born that way or maybe that way before birth? How could my God, my loving God, allow such a thing to happen? I found myself confused. When I find myself confused or troubled I go to my “true source” with my questions. My question; I’m finding more evil in my world today. Why? I was told that evil was an emotion that had to be learned! And that many start that learning at an early age. And that evil is easy to find in my today’s world. That many find it difficult to avoid! Also, that many find it difficult to distinguish between good and evil. Our marketing in today’s world gives the impression many times that evil is good! Makes it a desirable goal! Just listen to the words of many songs, look at the album covers and video covers, watch many TV shows, and look at the hate and violence we find creeping in to today’s sports. Sad as it may seem, evil sells! As we read past the headlines, we often find hate and violence walking hand in hand with evil. Sadly, evil is not expected or found until after a violent episode! I’m finding often that evil is overlooked or excused until it happens. Up to now I’ve touched on the easy stuff. Tell me this; do we look upon all evil as unforgivable or do we judge it on a one to ten scale as we do many other things in our lives? I lost one son to a man driving drunk. How evil do I judge that man to be? My son is just as dead as anyone of those poor little kids shot in their classroom! He never again will be sitting next to me at the dinner table! How do I rate that man’s evil that took my son from me? Or, how do I rate the fellow student who bullied me for every school day for over a year? I looked upon him as evil, but each was looked upon then or later as” respected members of my community!” I guess evil only is supposed to affect the ones it was directed to! I am finding that it is difficult for me to put a word description on evil. It is always easy to see the outcome of evil, but to put the emotion into words, I find is beyond me. I find it more difficult than fitting it within the boundaries of right or wrong, or even love or hate, both emotions that I find hard for me to put into words. As I look closely, I’m finding most of today’s religions are based on the principles of good and evil and the many different interpretations of evil. Some refer to evil as sin. As I sit here, thinking about those poor little kids, my mind shifts to the shooter. Could it be that the evil one really won? That he reached his goal? Being a loner and being mostly alone, could it be that all he wanted was to put his name in history books forever? And then he died! After something like that happens, I think God expects us to become comforters. I have found many that have asked me questions that they didn’t expect answers for, they just needed to talk and someone to listen! They didn’t expect me to answer, they just wanted someone to listen and maybe at the end to share a hug. There are some questions that only God can answer, but I’m not sure I’m ready to ask.

God and Prayer

Many of the people that I have talked to have told me that they didn’t think God answered their prayers. I can relate to them because for quite a while I felt that way too. For many years, each time I would pray, I would tell God what I expected Him to do for me. And, if things didn’t work out my way I assumed my prayers were not being answered! Now days when I pray; I ask that HIS Will, will be done, and that I will be able to accept and understand that will without question. That’s it! I never try to run His show. And, surprisingly I find that I’m never disappointed. As I walk through my life, often I find myself walking by myself in special places. These places seem to direct my thinking towards “God Stuff!” I have found much comfort and understanding there. These places are usually unplanned by me, and I always wonder if my God has set them up for me. I never find myself praying in these places. I find myself asking many questions and receiving answers there. I feel that while I’m there I’m in tune with a best friend. As an example; years ago I was at the beach, it was one of those exceptional days, the sky was that deep blue with fluffy bright white clouds and every place I looked was nothing but beautiful beach. After walking a few barefoot steps in the soft sand I sat down to enjoy the breeze and listen to the surf. It was such a great place, so maybe I would even think some “God Stuff!” It was there that I started thinking about my prayers, or maybe my prayers that I felt God had not answered. When I sat down I got sand on both hands that I quickly brushed off. As I glanced at my hands I noticed that sand was all back on the beach except for a few grains on my index finger. It was then that I got the message! As I sat there looking at those few grains of sand on my finger. I suddenly realized those few grains of sand were me! Wasn’t I always telling God in my prayers how I expected Him to answer? That God the creator of all things, and I was trying to tell Him how to run things! Wasn’t I like those few grains on my finger telling that entire beach what to do? That day on the beach was a humbling, but learning, experience for me. Since that day, I have never had a prayer unanswered! This past week I had a person ask me if things didn’t work out the way I wanted, would I consider it God’s fault? I never fault my God. I would never judge His answer. I accept God’s will as God’s will without question. I accept my God as all knowing, one who can do no wrong. As I study my God’s will for me, I find that I am being told that it is more important for me to belong than to control. Where ever I am, I feel that is where I belong.

How Do I Look, To Me

In general, as I reflect, I look pretty good to me. Since my motto has always been; if I walk in feeling inferior, I have lost. I have yet to meet someone that I felt was better than me. In my life’s journey I have met quite a few that I considered to be my equals, but no one that I considered to be above me. I have met many so called “greats” like Amelia Earhart, Ronald Reagan, Henry Ford, Gen. Joe Kelly, Count Basie, Jabbo Stokes, and maybe even a few Jane and Joe Blows. And, looking back, I found that I learned something from each and I possibly came away a little smarter and possibly a better person because of my God opening those doors and allowing so many to walk into my life. I thank my God for showing me how to open the ears to my heart so that I could listen to and enjoy all the fine music that I have been exposed to. From that music of the river boats plying the Mississippi River of my early childhood to the music I hear each week in my place of worship, I always feel that all those great sounds are put there just for me! Sure, I have messed up big time a few times, but that same God has shown me ways that I can be forgiven. Walking through this life it would be hard for me to count the many times I have been shown how important the positive is for me and how unimportant all those negatives can be. I have learned that every person that touches my life is put there to be a teacher. My God keeps emphasizing to me that I must keep learning, learning, learning! Years ago I learned how important each second of every day was for me. I try never to waste a one. I have learned to look for beauty in everything I touch and everything that touches me. Again I have to thank my God for showing me how to open my eyes to see with my heart! Each morning, after I wake, I look into the mirror. It is then that I notice my hair line has moved back and that hair that was once brown is now white! And, even though I had a good night’s sleep, those eyes looking back at me look tired. It is then I realize that my growing old is one of my God given rights! I must learn to accept it as such! How do I look to me? I’m not overjoyed with the wear that shows on that person looking back at me, but at the same time I’m pretty satisfied with me in general. Could I have done better? I’m sure we all could have, but I could have done a lot worse. On a scale of one to ten, I would give me a high eight. What would you give you?

Assumption

In our world of today, commercial interests have learned that most of us live by our assumptions. If a person looks the part we assume that person knows what he is talking about. You only have to look at TV commercials to realize the truth of that statement. Today we find all kind of those “look like props” trying to affect our lives. In the manner of dress, speech, tempting advertising, sex, even in our religions we are led to assume our lives would be better “if” we would only do those things we are told to do. We are led by the hand or eyes, to those assumptions that would cause us to live a better life. We are expected to live in our world in a way we let others bait that world for us. Our world is nothing more than a stage and we have front row center seats with most of the actors showing us ways to separate us from our money. Millions are spent each year on “if it looks like, it must be.” But, we must remember this, we often hear the saying; if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. But, many ducks ended up in the pot because of decoys and duck calls! Our assumptions must be controlled. They are nothing more than a form of judging others. A white jacket does not make a doctor or druggist. My old butcher always use to wear a white jacket! Crowns, robes, special clothing, or titles does not flag God to listen more carefully to one than the other. Many times I feel the sincerity of a prayer by you or me is as important to Him as one coming from a third party. I’ve also learned that prisons are not full of only bad people. Many good people are there because they made a mistake. Yes, even good people make mistakes. I’ve also noticed that our assumptions and our ego often walk hand in hand. Often it is as hard to admit that our assumption was wrong as it is to admit that we could be wrong. Is everyone else wrong if they don’t read out of the same holy book that we do? Many are told they are! Many assume that is the way God works. Just because we see something on our TV or are told something in our places of worship that shouldn’t always cause us to assume them to be right. Actually in our today’s world we can find as many wrong assumptions as right. Too many will tell you that they are oppressed by their sex, race, education, or color. Many of those old assumptions of our fathers have been disproven in today’s world. Education stomps on most of those old assumptions with both feet! It is impossible for anyone to walk into today’s world feeling inferior and win! As the world turns, the world always is changing. Only a bigot can remain static in this changing world and assume that he can hold it back.

When I Grow Up

During my formative years I always wanted to be a pilot. I wanted to fly airplanes! Happily, I flew many times while I was growing up. During my life in the military I flew four-engine bombers. After I got out I still flew quite a bit. I was a good pilot, but it was at that time I realized that I would never be a great pilot and at the end of the war there were thousands of great pilots. It was at that time that I realized that God gives each of our body’s limitations and I had to learn to accept that fact. That was the day I learned that my “want to be” would never make me great! My decision that day helped keep my life ever exciting. It opened my door to a new world of “try it you may like it.” And, suddenly I found that my world was full of new and exciting things for me to try! Even today, I find my world full of “when I grow up, things I want to be!” I realized that if I found myself doing something I didn’t like to do or doing something that I really wasn’t good at, maybe I shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. As most of you know, I talk to many people. A few days ago I talked to a man who had the dream of playing pro baseball. He said he was good at it and had a scholarship. Half way through his college, one day he started out his door for practice. Then he stopped! At that instant he quit playing the game! He said he realized that he wanted more out of his life than practice and schedules. He said that he felt he had fulfilled his dream but found himself wanting more. I talk to many older men and women that have lost mates of fifty or more years. Many of them find themselves lost. I wonder if they didn’t have dreams when they were younger. With today’s world so full of things to do, surely they could find exciting things to do. I ask a friend what she had wanted to be and her answer surprised me. She said that; she always wanted to play music and while growing up she was getting good at it. Then, she changed teachers; he would only accept music played “his way,” she felt that everything she had learned or felt in her heart was wrong. One day she played something differently than she was told and he hit her across the hand with a ruler! That day she walked away from music and the desire in her heart! It was many years until she could again start to play because each time she started to play, she could feel the pain from that bully’s ruler across her hand. Surprisingly, sometimes it takes less than a second to change a person’s dreams forever. I keep on trying to decide what I want to be. My trying has helped me to learn what I can do with what my God gave me to work with. It has helped me learn my limitations and how to work within them and maybe most important, how to accept those limitations. I have reached many goals that I set for my life. I think that by reaching my goals and being satisfied with my accomplishments and then setting new goals has made my life exciting. I can’t remember a time that I failed to reach a goal, but I have learned what my limitations are. I treat each new goal as a learning experience. In my world of today, I have found that many of the dreams and opportunities at the time of my growing up, and that was almost eight decades ago, have changed or disappeared. And, my ability to learn new things is far beyond the dreams of our fathers or even my early growing up. As my world progresses, new unheard of opportunities for me may open up tomorrow. So I’ll wait until tomorrow to tell you what I want to be.

God's Right Side

This morning, while watching the Morning News, I listened to a Christian minister who proclaimed that he was on “God’s right side!” But what he was really saying was; either you agreed with his interpretation of that religion or you were wrong! He repeatedly referred to himself as “a man of God”, I thought of him as more of a bigot. In the country that I live in, the country I love, my United States I have learned that at this time only four people out of five now claims membership in an organized religion. That means that twenty out of each one hundred people holds no organized religious faith! I believe that most believe in God, but they just don’t walk through organized religion’s doors. Could it be that ministers and religious leaders like him are making many think twice before claiming membership in any organized faith? For many years I had religious questions, I would go to an authority with my questions, I received answers, but many times those answers just didn’t feel right. So, often I would take my question to a different authority, many times I found myself receiving an entirely different answer! That really confused me! As I became more confused by those different answers from people reading from the same book, but giving me the impression that each answer was right, those troubles grew. About that time I started directing some of my questions to My Father in Heaven. To my surprise He would answer those questions for me in a manner that I could easily understand! Since I started asking questions of Him, I have been taken places and shown things along with those answers. I have found that my faith in organized religion has weakened, but my faith in my God has become rock solid. That part of my faith is without question! Now if I am ask my religion, I can state that I belong to God, I don’t feel that any middleman is needed. Please tell me how anyone can truly determine God’s right side? This man stated that he was a “man of God”. Aren’t we all? Don’t we believe that all of us are God’s will? I do not believe that a certificate on the wall or a different manner of dress would cause our God to listen more carefully to them anymore than He would to you or me. I don’t think God ever checks to see which side we’re on before He listens to us. I often wonder if many of our religious leaders and teachers are more interested in themselves than the ones they are talking to. At times I also wonder if God speaks to them like He does to me. My God told me “I give you My word for you, others may hear those same words differently.” I will never tell you that I am on God’s right side, but I will often tell you that I know that God is always at my side.

Birthdays

For many, birthdays are something to be dreaded. But, for all, it means that each of us has used up twelve months of our life that God has granted us. Some have used that irreplaceable time wisely, while others find they have wasted most of it. I’m sure most of us can find a few “I wish I hads” or a few “I should haves” and maybe one or two “I’ll know better the next times”. I like that last one the best because that means possibly we have learned something. Yes, we were granted the use of that year, but it also means that we find ourselves twelve months closer to our ending! Tell me this; did my body have this many hurts my last birthday? I guess it’s all a part of our God given right called “ageing!” That year is now gone, it’s now past history, it’s all used up. It died when we stepped into our new year! How much of it did we waste? How much did we use wisely? Wouldn’t it be interesting to sit down and write an obituary for those past twelve months of our life? That way we could see the things we feel needed improvement, and isn’t that an excellent place to start? With the start of a new calendar the world starts its new year, but everyone’s birthday comes before the worlds new years. But, all mortals have their birthdays before the world celebrates its new years. I don’t think it’s fair to make us all wait for the world to catch up. Many try not to admit it, but what we gained or lost in our past year was entirely our fault. Most of us hate to admit our mistakes and try hard to lay the blame on others if our life hasn’t worked out, aren’t those birthdays a good place to take more responsibility for ourselves? We never are sure just how much more time our God has granted us, but one thing is for sure; that time granted is our time. It is important time, but also time to use as we see fit! But, we must realize that however we use each second, it can never be reused after we use it once. Happy birthday and may this next year be the best year of your life. My last birthday was one of the best days of my life and I hope yours will be too.

Impressions

Or maybe, I should say first impressions! The first fifteen seconds of the first meeting with someone new can give them an opinion of you that may last a lifetime. Just last night I overheard someone say that they didn’t like a person because of that person’s type! I did not understand what that “type” thing was, but it had to make a strong impression on the one that spoke those words. I did not understand how one person could be that opinionated of a person before that other person could say one word. Some could call impressions a form of segregation. Sadly some of the impressions and opinions we create are brought on by us. We bring them on ourselves by not looking at ourself before others do and as others do! Many have expressed to me that they could not understand why other people treated them the way they do. Could it be that they cause that impression of you to be negative? Other times we can create those bad impressions by the way they dress or our manner of speech. A person that uses a lot of “street talk” will be judged as one with a lesser education or one with a lower opinion of themselves. They have allowed themselves to be placed in the “those people” category by others. I feel extra sorry for Black People, for they have been segregated and held down for centuries. The thing that hurts me the most is that so many of the black kids, the ones we worked so hard to give equality and opportunities to, now think it is their thing to dress differently and to speak differently. And, many of our younger black kids think that their education is something to be played with or even tossed away. They must realize that many sweated blood and many were beaten so that those same kids could have a good education and many who helped them get to where they are today are heart- broken to see that education disrupted and dropped out of. Freedom is not to drop out of, it’s to work with, and it’s learning and making use of that learning! It’s being a part of! As most know, I ask questions of many. A few weeks ago I asked a young kid what he wanted to be when he grew up. His answer shook me all the way to my shoe-soles. His answer was; “why should I plan anything after I grow up? By that time I will either be dead or in prison”! Sadly, there was no emotion in his answer, he was just stating fact! I ask myself how could it be possible for a nice looking young kid like that to think there was no future. He acted as if his life was a throw away. He acted as if he had no future and no place to go if he had one! It seemed to me that he had the impression of himself that he was lost and no willingness to change that impression! Looking back today, I realize how much my impression of me has changed. Then as I look around, I notice that the impression of me, reflected in the eyes and attitude of my friends and family has also changed. Maybe all of those impressions, the snap, the changing, and even those we think are lasting are nothing more than how we live our lives. That life that’s ever-changing. Could all those impressions be nothing more than our judging others as well as ourselves?