It Can't Happen To Me

But, it has!!! I still see all the beauty in my world. I still see all my blessings, but when I look up I see a dark cloud hovering just over my head! Somehow, in my world of positives, I have let my door open just a crack and a bunch of negatives came rushing in! Suddenly I find myself a comforter that needs comforting! I could look over to my side and ask “why me God, why me”? But, why ask a question if you already know the answer? For several months, apparently I have been letting a few of those negatives that surround me slowly creep in. This past week something happened that kicked the chair, of stability, out from under me as I sat down. I will not try to comfort others until I get my own head back on straight. I know that I would just be exposing those already hurting to my hurts. For the next few weeks I will be posting blogs that have been written in advance. I’ll start publishing new blogs when I get myself under control. I now know how easy it must be for some to take a few pills or drinks to deaden the pain, but they are just band-aids that cover hurts for a short time. Many have found those “hurt deadeners” just adding more hurts. I now can understand why some take a hand-full of those pills to end those hurts forever! I’m sure that my God didn’t give me my hurts for me to look for an easy out. I’m sure they have been given to me as a learning tool for me to use for others, but truly, this is one of the most difficult tools that I have ever been handed! Today, I find my world the same, but entirely different! Suddenly little things, seldom thought about things, jump at me with new meaning! I’m finding this blessing from my God to be the most difficult for me to understand. But, with my understanding of those deep hurts in me, with a deeper understanding of those hurts in me, I’ll have the ability to feel those hurts and maybe have a better understanding of the causes. Maybe my hurts are there to show me ways to better help and comfort others. I know that God never hands me more than He already knows that I can handle! I’ll see you again early next year. But, right now I have a mountain to climb.

Just Bob

Most of my life has been filled with things I have wondered about, questions I have asked, and just talking to people. Maybe the most important part is I’m learning how to listen. Often I feel that I’m the only one left that will listen. Many times I feel the hurts of others in my heart. I feel I’m in this world to comfort others. There are times that I feel too close to some to be able to feel their pain. That saddens me and is something I’m trying to overcome. I have hurts, things that bother me, things that may be overlooked by others, many are God things. We have been given many exciting new teaching tools, but many teachers are still using the tools of our fathers and grand fathers. I’m uncomfortable with how commercial, big business, and scripted many of today’s religions have become. Much of today’s teaching reminds me of a concert where every note has been practiced and when the concert begins there is no room left between the notes for God to step in. I find this especially true in those large TV churches. They have just so much air time and just so much money to spend. Each second must be scripted and each of those seconds must end up on the profit side of their books. As I listen, I find it hard for me to understand how God’s time can be balanced against the time spent asking for money, but I guess that show must go on! It bothers me when I listen to those teachers and then walk away feeling that I was exposed to an editorial based on that person’s interpretation of what it says in the book. I find myself troubled when I look at all religions. Religion could be so simple! I’m sure most will agree that everything has a starting point, a creator; in my religion I call that starting point God! Now tell me why millions have been killed, because of that point we all agree upon, but just because we walk through different doors to get there. Why can’t we find ways to look at how we are all the same, not why we are different? Many times I find that God changes our lives in unforeseen and unplanned ways. Sometimes He just seems to sneak one in on us! An example of that is; many years ago I heard a second hand story about a little girl that stuck in my mind while many other things fell through. She came running home from Sunday school. As she ran up to her mother she told her mother that they were going to need an extra blanket on her bed that night, she said her teacher told her that the “Comforter cometh!” That one word “comforter” has always stayed up front in my mind. I find many hurting people finding me with their hurts. Many ask me questions that they know that I can’t answer, but they know that I will listen to their question. And, they know that as we part there will always be a hug. If I find they must have answers, I never quote those answers from a “Holy Book” as many have looked there for those answers and failed to find them. I have never been very good at reading from a book, so I go to my God and ask that words will be put in my mouth that will please Him. I find that comfort is sometimes beyond words. Many times we have to share those hurts in our hearts with nothing more than a long hug. That one touch often can say more than a thousand words. Well that’s it. That’s all there is to me! Hope you know me a little better. I hope you realize why I’m just Bob, a good listener.

Evil

After the tragedy in that New England grade school I have found many trying to understand how things like that can happen. How can a person like that, such an evil person, grow up unnoticed in a country like ours? Many are questioning just what causes evil like that and what causes someone like him to become an evil person that could cause so much misery and heartache to so many. I wondered, were some people born that way or maybe that way before birth? How could my God, my loving God, allow such a thing to happen? I found myself confused. When I find myself confused or troubled I go to my “true source” with my questions. My question; I’m finding more evil in my world today. Why? I was told that evil was an emotion that had to be learned! And that many start that learning at an early age. And that evil is easy to find in my today’s world. That many find it difficult to avoid! Also, that many find it difficult to distinguish between good and evil. Our marketing in today’s world gives the impression many times that evil is good! Makes it a desirable goal! Just listen to the words of many songs, look at the album covers and video covers, watch many TV shows, and look at the hate and violence we find creeping in to today’s sports. Sad as it may seem, evil sells! As we read past the headlines, we often find hate and violence walking hand in hand with evil. Sadly, evil is not expected or found until after a violent episode! I’m finding often that evil is overlooked or excused until it happens. Up to now I’ve touched on the easy stuff. Tell me this; do we look upon all evil as unforgivable or do we judge it on a one to ten scale as we do many other things in our lives? I lost one son to a man driving drunk. How evil do I judge that man to be? My son is just as dead as anyone of those poor little kids shot in their classroom! He never again will be sitting next to me at the dinner table! How do I rate that man’s evil that took my son from me? Or, how do I rate the fellow student who bullied me for every school day for over a year? I looked upon him as evil, but each was looked upon then or later as” respected members of my community!” I guess evil only is supposed to affect the ones it was directed to! I am finding that it is difficult for me to put a word description on evil. It is always easy to see the outcome of evil, but to put the emotion into words, I find is beyond me. I find it more difficult than fitting it within the boundaries of right or wrong, or even love or hate, both emotions that I find hard for me to put into words. As I look closely, I’m finding most of today’s religions are based on the principles of good and evil and the many different interpretations of evil. Some refer to evil as sin. As I sit here, thinking about those poor little kids, my mind shifts to the shooter. Could it be that the evil one really won? That he reached his goal? Being a loner and being mostly alone, could it be that all he wanted was to put his name in history books forever? And then he died! After something like that happens, I think God expects us to become comforters. I have found many that have asked me questions that they didn’t expect answers for, they just needed to talk and someone to listen! They didn’t expect me to answer, they just wanted someone to listen and maybe at the end to share a hug. There are some questions that only God can answer, but I’m not sure I’m ready to ask.

God and Prayer

Many of the people that I have talked to have told me that they didn’t think God answered their prayers. I can relate to them because for quite a while I felt that way too. For many years, each time I would pray, I would tell God what I expected Him to do for me. And, if things didn’t work out my way I assumed my prayers were not being answered! Now days when I pray; I ask that HIS Will, will be done, and that I will be able to accept and understand that will without question. That’s it! I never try to run His show. And, surprisingly I find that I’m never disappointed. As I walk through my life, often I find myself walking by myself in special places. These places seem to direct my thinking towards “God Stuff!” I have found much comfort and understanding there. These places are usually unplanned by me, and I always wonder if my God has set them up for me. I never find myself praying in these places. I find myself asking many questions and receiving answers there. I feel that while I’m there I’m in tune with a best friend. As an example; years ago I was at the beach, it was one of those exceptional days, the sky was that deep blue with fluffy bright white clouds and every place I looked was nothing but beautiful beach. After walking a few barefoot steps in the soft sand I sat down to enjoy the breeze and listen to the surf. It was such a great place, so maybe I would even think some “God Stuff!” It was there that I started thinking about my prayers, or maybe my prayers that I felt God had not answered. When I sat down I got sand on both hands that I quickly brushed off. As I glanced at my hands I noticed that sand was all back on the beach except for a few grains on my index finger. It was then that I got the message! As I sat there looking at those few grains of sand on my finger. I suddenly realized those few grains of sand were me! Wasn’t I always telling God in my prayers how I expected Him to answer? That God the creator of all things, and I was trying to tell Him how to run things! Wasn’t I like those few grains on my finger telling that entire beach what to do? That day on the beach was a humbling, but learning, experience for me. Since that day, I have never had a prayer unanswered! This past week I had a person ask me if things didn’t work out the way I wanted, would I consider it God’s fault? I never fault my God. I would never judge His answer. I accept God’s will as God’s will without question. I accept my God as all knowing, one who can do no wrong. As I study my God’s will for me, I find that I am being told that it is more important for me to belong than to control. Where ever I am, I feel that is where I belong.

How Do I Look, To Me

In general, as I reflect, I look pretty good to me. Since my motto has always been; if I walk in feeling inferior, I have lost. I have yet to meet someone that I felt was better than me. In my life’s journey I have met quite a few that I considered to be my equals, but no one that I considered to be above me. I have met many so called “greats” like Amelia Earhart, Ronald Reagan, Henry Ford, Gen. Joe Kelly, Count Basie, Jabbo Stokes, and maybe even a few Jane and Joe Blows. And, looking back, I found that I learned something from each and I possibly came away a little smarter and possibly a better person because of my God opening those doors and allowing so many to walk into my life. I thank my God for showing me how to open the ears to my heart so that I could listen to and enjoy all the fine music that I have been exposed to. From that music of the river boats plying the Mississippi River of my early childhood to the music I hear each week in my place of worship, I always feel that all those great sounds are put there just for me! Sure, I have messed up big time a few times, but that same God has shown me ways that I can be forgiven. Walking through this life it would be hard for me to count the many times I have been shown how important the positive is for me and how unimportant all those negatives can be. I have learned that every person that touches my life is put there to be a teacher. My God keeps emphasizing to me that I must keep learning, learning, learning! Years ago I learned how important each second of every day was for me. I try never to waste a one. I have learned to look for beauty in everything I touch and everything that touches me. Again I have to thank my God for showing me how to open my eyes to see with my heart! Each morning, after I wake, I look into the mirror. It is then that I notice my hair line has moved back and that hair that was once brown is now white! And, even though I had a good night’s sleep, those eyes looking back at me look tired. It is then I realize that my growing old is one of my God given rights! I must learn to accept it as such! How do I look to me? I’m not overjoyed with the wear that shows on that person looking back at me, but at the same time I’m pretty satisfied with me in general. Could I have done better? I’m sure we all could have, but I could have done a lot worse. On a scale of one to ten, I would give me a high eight. What would you give you?

Assumption

In our world of today, commercial interests have learned that most of us live by our assumptions. If a person looks the part we assume that person knows what he is talking about. You only have to look at TV commercials to realize the truth of that statement. Today we find all kind of those “look like props” trying to affect our lives. In the manner of dress, speech, tempting advertising, sex, even in our religions we are led to assume our lives would be better “if” we would only do those things we are told to do. We are led by the hand or eyes, to those assumptions that would cause us to live a better life. We are expected to live in our world in a way we let others bait that world for us. Our world is nothing more than a stage and we have front row center seats with most of the actors showing us ways to separate us from our money. Millions are spent each year on “if it looks like, it must be.” But, we must remember this, we often hear the saying; if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. But, many ducks ended up in the pot because of decoys and duck calls! Our assumptions must be controlled. They are nothing more than a form of judging others. A white jacket does not make a doctor or druggist. My old butcher always use to wear a white jacket! Crowns, robes, special clothing, or titles does not flag God to listen more carefully to one than the other. Many times I feel the sincerity of a prayer by you or me is as important to Him as one coming from a third party. I’ve also learned that prisons are not full of only bad people. Many good people are there because they made a mistake. Yes, even good people make mistakes. I’ve also noticed that our assumptions and our ego often walk hand in hand. Often it is as hard to admit that our assumption was wrong as it is to admit that we could be wrong. Is everyone else wrong if they don’t read out of the same holy book that we do? Many are told they are! Many assume that is the way God works. Just because we see something on our TV or are told something in our places of worship that shouldn’t always cause us to assume them to be right. Actually in our today’s world we can find as many wrong assumptions as right. Too many will tell you that they are oppressed by their sex, race, education, or color. Many of those old assumptions of our fathers have been disproven in today’s world. Education stomps on most of those old assumptions with both feet! It is impossible for anyone to walk into today’s world feeling inferior and win! As the world turns, the world always is changing. Only a bigot can remain static in this changing world and assume that he can hold it back.

When I Grow Up

During my formative years I always wanted to be a pilot. I wanted to fly airplanes! Happily, I flew many times while I was growing up. During my life in the military I flew four-engine bombers. After I got out I still flew quite a bit. I was a good pilot, but it was at that time I realized that I would never be a great pilot and at the end of the war there were thousands of great pilots. It was at that time that I realized that God gives each of our body’s limitations and I had to learn to accept that fact. That was the day I learned that my “want to be” would never make me great! My decision that day helped keep my life ever exciting. It opened my door to a new world of “try it you may like it.” And, suddenly I found that my world was full of new and exciting things for me to try! Even today, I find my world full of “when I grow up, things I want to be!” I realized that if I found myself doing something I didn’t like to do or doing something that I really wasn’t good at, maybe I shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. As most of you know, I talk to many people. A few days ago I talked to a man who had the dream of playing pro baseball. He said he was good at it and had a scholarship. Half way through his college, one day he started out his door for practice. Then he stopped! At that instant he quit playing the game! He said he realized that he wanted more out of his life than practice and schedules. He said that he felt he had fulfilled his dream but found himself wanting more. I talk to many older men and women that have lost mates of fifty or more years. Many of them find themselves lost. I wonder if they didn’t have dreams when they were younger. With today’s world so full of things to do, surely they could find exciting things to do. I ask a friend what she had wanted to be and her answer surprised me. She said that; she always wanted to play music and while growing up she was getting good at it. Then, she changed teachers; he would only accept music played “his way,” she felt that everything she had learned or felt in her heart was wrong. One day she played something differently than she was told and he hit her across the hand with a ruler! That day she walked away from music and the desire in her heart! It was many years until she could again start to play because each time she started to play, she could feel the pain from that bully’s ruler across her hand. Surprisingly, sometimes it takes less than a second to change a person’s dreams forever. I keep on trying to decide what I want to be. My trying has helped me to learn what I can do with what my God gave me to work with. It has helped me learn my limitations and how to work within them and maybe most important, how to accept those limitations. I have reached many goals that I set for my life. I think that by reaching my goals and being satisfied with my accomplishments and then setting new goals has made my life exciting. I can’t remember a time that I failed to reach a goal, but I have learned what my limitations are. I treat each new goal as a learning experience. In my world of today, I have found that many of the dreams and opportunities at the time of my growing up, and that was almost eight decades ago, have changed or disappeared. And, my ability to learn new things is far beyond the dreams of our fathers or even my early growing up. As my world progresses, new unheard of opportunities for me may open up tomorrow. So I’ll wait until tomorrow to tell you what I want to be.