Here

My first memory of the Great Depression was the freight trains, each with dozens of men riding on the tops of cars or inside the empty boxcars. All were going “someplace else!” I noticed that the trains with the most men riding on them were the trains heading west. At that time, I always pictured that someplace else as always a place out west. Being a little kid at the time, I always pictured all those men, riding on those trains, when they got to that someplace else, they would change clothes, buy a 10 gallon hat, wear cowboy boots and shoot Indians! I never could understand that shoot Indians part, but that was what all the men “out west” were doing each Saturday when I would take my 10 pennies and buy a ticket to the double feature picture show. I understood that what they were doing was good because the good men were always wearing those big white hats and all the bad men were either wearing feathered headdresses or black hats! One strange thing that I always remember; was it was always just men riding on those trains. I can’t remember seeing one woman! Several of those men I talked to told me that when they made it out there, they would send for the wife and kids. It made me wonder if that someplace else was like a swimming pool that the man had to dip a toe into to test the water temperature before the family could jump in the water with them. I also wondered where those wives and kids were staying until the men found that “someplace else.” Several of the kids at my school had to live with other families while their dads were “out looking.” But, you must remember I was just a little kid at the time and little kids weren’t supposed to worry about such things! But, I did and still do! Later in my life, I find many still talking about the someplace else of their dreams. I also hear many say that they want “to get away from it all!” Even today, I find many unhappy, and many continuously dreaming about going someplace else, any place else! Why not try to make our here more attractive to each of us? When I’m here; I know which side of the bedroom the bathroom is on. Even in the dark. If I want a snack all I have to do is open the door of my refrigerator, and I know right where that snack is. If I eat something that doesn’t agree with me, I know which shelf the Tums are on, they too even in the dark! I’m just more comfortable at my here than when I’m someplace else. And as I think about it, wasn’t this here where I am today, the someplace else, for me, when I came to it? Yes, that was before I had moved into it! I wonder why many of us look upon our here as boring and any someplace else as exciting? Could it be; we have made ourselves boring and unexciting and we expect others in that someplace else to provide the excitement we no longer find in ourselves? We find those others providing our excitement for only a short time, and then it’s time to start looking another, a more exciting someplace else. Most of us would pick a someplace else for short time but we have to realize is up to each of us to keep our here the exciting place it once has. And to keep that excitement for a long time! Truthfully, is it the someplace else that makes us feel better? Or, do we feel that we can be a different someone else when we get there? When we get to that someplace else we usually find everything squeaky clean and everything in order, but how long do you think it would take us to make it just another here? It’s hard to imagine our here is as exciting as a someplace else, but wasn’t it once? Now tell me, who really made that here the way it is today? What or who are we really trying to run away from or look for? My Grandma use to tell me,”Be careful how you make your nest. You may have to live in it for a long time!”

Reason

How long has it been since anyone brought up the subject of reason to you? What is this reason stuff I’m talking about? Well it’s; reason to live, reason to die, the reason to be the person you feel you are in your heart or the reason you feel you should be that person you are expected to be, in the eyes of the rest of the world? Or maybe a reason to stop doing something that feels good to you, but brings hurts to you or to others. How do we really find out about this reason stuff? The best way is to find support from a person or group that has been down that road before you. True reason cannot be found in books, because most books are “one-size-fits-all.” True reason cannot be found in the bottle of pills. They too are usually that same “one-size-fits-all!” True reason is found in the good and bad scars of others who are willing to talk about how they got the scars! I would much rather hear it from person telling me; this is what happened to me and this is what I did about or what I’m doing about. It has to be better than someone holding up a book and then reading a bunch of “though shall not’s” from that book! Most of us have already done many of those “thou shall not’s” in that book! And, some of them felt awfully good! But, maybe like me, I knew at the time they were hurting me! Please, give me purpose, or reason to change, don’t keep telling me what I should have done! All those should haves are history; don’t keep rubbing my nose in things that cannot be changed. Help me find reason to make my life and the life of others better! I do not want another “size that fits all,” in my life, because, that “one size” never seems to fit me. To me it’s like trying to put on a pair of shoes that really didn’t fit. I always expect a reason to be put there! I know I’m not going to Hell! So, don’t try to use that threat on me! I’m scarred from the bottoms of my feet to my knees from stumbling over those Ten Commandment rocks and, as I look forward in my life I can see many more of those rocks in my road ahead. I’ve learned that each time I stumble, and I hurt no one else, all I have to do is pick myself up and keep walking. As I grow older, I’m finding it harder each time I have to lift myself back up. Ahead I can see two things; I can see a long road with lots of those same big rocks and I can also see a fork in the road. One off to the side looks newly paved. As far as I can see I can see there is no more of those big rocks in that road. Now, show me reason to make that turn! And, don’t hand me a lot of that Heaven or Hell stuff! Just give me reason to make that term! One other point: sometimes, fulfilling another person’s needs is not giving that person reason. Often filling a person’s need is like giving an alcoholic his first drink of the day. You have fulfilled that person’s needs at the time, but you must remember that after that first drink there will never be a last! You may feel good fulfilling a person’s need, but that glass you just bought and handed to him was not full of reason!

I Don't Understand

I’ve been watching my TV and reading my newspapers about all of the excitement in the Catholic Church. Much of the language used in the church is beyond me and much of the formality forces me to ask questions. I wonder if; most of the people wearing robes and skullcaps ever truly speak to God. If they receive answers from Him? And, if they receive those answers, do they truly believe them as His will? Why do some many, deemed authorities in the church, have to form a conclave that has to be held behind locked doors and then have to vote on the next pope? If they talk to God and receive answers aren’t those answers God’s will? Isn’t this vote thing a man thing? Why is there a need for black or white smoke? My God makes a decision only once, it is His will. When he answers a question, it is answered only once, with never a change in God’s mind. So, why is more than one vote needed? God is not going to give different answers to dozens of people asking the same question. If, they are all listening to the same God. God’s will has no need for vote from mortals. I get many of my answers from my God when my hands are dirty, when I’m working and in work cloths. I can’t recall him answering any of my questions while I’m locked in a room, unless it’s my bathroom. It really makes me wonder if; in many instances man has been trying to overpower God with man’s importance. And, by making so much noise of his own that he can’t really hear God’s words? Is that why organized religions needs to vote? Is most of it nothing more than that black and white smoke? Man can never be God the creator of all things, no matter what he wears or is called. Under all the robes, titles, and crowns man is still nothing more than man. No matter what title we bestow on ourselves, we’re still only a grain of sand on the beach. That is my reason for my lack of understanding. For me; my God is my friend, my companion, and never something to fear. And, certainly not a lot of pomp and circumstance! I guess I’m too common to understand all of formal stuff. For years I had the feeling that many religious “authorities” had a special doorway with God, but after watching this performance and concluding that maybe they are all mortals just like all the rest of us. It makes me proud that I have the relationship with my God that I have.

Pretenders

Pretenders All of the pretenders are not on the stage or on the screen, many put on a show anytime they think someone else is looking. Many try to be someone they really don’t want to be, because they feel that’s what is expected of them. There is much hatred of my country today. In my nearly 9 decades I have found many good people showing an unbelievable hatred for other good people. Much of this hatred is pretended hatred, but hatred is an ugly that goes all wait to the bone and shows in person long after it is turned off. It is like a hurt the leaves ugly scar. And, a person carries that scar all of the rest of their life. Most of us are pretenders. We use this as a means of getting things we want, or maybe for not doing things we don’t want to do. One of the most common pretenders is the religious pretenders, many are the ones that tell us that we should be good, while they are doing bad things themselves. Many use proper language in their place of worship and then revert to the language of the street as soon as they walk out the door. Most people like, or are impressed by robes and crowns and even certificates, while not even asking if they were not warranted or earned. Most kids will up trying to pretend. And usually their parents encourage it. By pretending to be a pilot, I had a leather helmet and a pair of goggles. I flew thousands of hours in the backseat of my dad’s car. I’m sure you’ve heard mothers say something like; isn’t she cute dressed just like a movie star? Could our lives be nothing more than one big pretend? Most of us dress, not the way we really want, but to give others impression that we are something else. Hasn’t the name brand clothing industry made a fortune off small tags? Usually the food isn’t that much better in an upscale restaurant, but we like to be seen eating in places like that. Pretend makes us feel important, but importance of is not made by pretense. Importance is not made by big cars, expensive clothes, or hob-knobbing with rich people. Have you ever heard the saying; I’d like to buy them for what I think they’re worth and sell them for what they think they’re worth? It’s all a pretense! Many places that call themselves religious institutions are nothing more big business. Behind those closed doors the profit and loss sheet is almost as important as the Holy Books! In our world today, it’s hard to know who anyone really is. I’m sure God knew what he was doing when he decided that all of our chocolate coating, all of our pretending, would turn into dust, while our inner self, that part we cannot touch, returns him untarnished.

Dont Toy With God

Last Sunday I had friend come up to me and jokingly asked me; if the next time I talk to God would I ask him what his favorite cereal is. I have asked my God hundreds of questions and received hundreds answers, but to me my God is respect. I would never even think of asking questions like that! That question has ground on me ever since it was ask. I just could not figure out how to answer it, but I’ll try. First, each time I mentioned God I may also use the terms Father in Heaven, my Friend, He, Him or the Creator. You must realize I’m referring to the starter of all things, the creator of all things. Number one of all things, actually the starting point of all things! I’m going to list some of things I know or have been told; God is a spirit, he is of no sex, neither male nor female, but a spirit. Spirits have no need for food, drink, or anything of value. No stuff! Spirits are all-knowing. God has never lived a mortal life. God is the one God of all religions! God does not wear a wristwatch. God’s time is far different than man’s time. A day in God’s time can be 1 million years or a blink of the eye in man’s time. I’ve been taken places and shown things that would have taken hours in man’s time, but they happen between my heart beats! The problem is man tries to relate everything to him and fails to realize he isn’t it true starter of anything Much of God’s world travels at the speed of thought, while man pats himself on the back for accomplishing things that travel at the speed of sound! In God’s world man is just another grain of sand on the beach. Man’s problem; what should I have for breakfast? God’s problem; should I have an asteroid strike the earth and kill all the mortals so that I can start over in another million years? Yes there is a difference!

Our Boring World

The blessings missed by others make me wonder if their lives can be as empty as they think they are. Blessings, opportunities, and excitement all must be looked for to be found. If one staggers through life only noticing the bad things, the negatives, one feels that nothing good ever happens to them. A special friend of mine just had a birthday, I suggested that friend make it a list of all the remember things of the past year that caused a smile. More than an hour later I found my friend sitting, with pen in hand, looking at a blank sheet of paper! Nothing in twelve months of life worth smiling about! I had smiled at many of the things of my friend had told me, but I always look for the positives. It is like in all of life we only find what we’re looking for. I was not really surprised when I was told my friend was taking pills for depression. Each week I asked dozens what they had learned that was exciting in the past week or when appropriate, what blessings they had received in the past week. I have found it hard for me to believe how few have found in the excitement in their lives, or any blessings. What they refer to as their lives, would bore me to no end! I have yet to see the day that I could not fill several pages with my day’s excitement and blessings! I guess one of the things bothers me the most is; because of my health, my word shrinks more every day, but in my much smaller world I still find much excitement. While many with the whole world before them, only look for negatives and hate. Out of my window I see a wonderful world; apparently many have pulled down their shades and can see nothing good out of their windows. They see nothing of the world I see. By looking at the world facing you, by looking at the expressions on those faces, you can easily tell those who have pulled down their shades. There are many things in our world today are worth smiling about. There are also many things in our world today are worth frowning about. We have to make a choice. It’s your world not someone else’s world to choose our life for us, but so many are just too lazy to choose their own “your world” to live in! It’s just that it’s your world, your life is what you make of it. No one else is to blame, it’s your world you live in the way you want to live it.

Dreams and Fantasies

There are dreamers and there are those who fantasize and then there are others with hearts full of dreams that will never be let out because they are afraid of “what others might think”. They are afraid of being different but, that is what our dreams are for! Dreams and fantasies are the tools in our hearts that make us different. That’s what makes each of us an individual. That’s what keeps us from being a rubber stamp of everyone else! My definition of a dreamer is; one who thinks of something different and then says to themselves “I know I can figure out a way to make it happen.” The one who fantasizes, dreams the same dream and then says to themselves “I wish someone would figure a way to do that”, never realizing that they had the power to do just that. To me, my dreams are the spark that ignites the flame of making things happen. My goal has always been to find a way to make IT happen. Looking back I can’t remember ever saying “I give up” there always has to be a way. In my heart I have always felt that if I can dream it, I can find a way to make it happen! No one ever told me that making a dream happen would ever be easy. God has given most dreamers the ability to visualize their dreams. Some might call this daydreaming. I call it one of God’s gifts! We must thank the dreamers for getting us out of the dark ages. Many of those who fantasize write excellent novels. They have the ability to dream things the way they wish they were and then have the ability to put those dreams into words. They have the ability to place their dreams in a world of make believe. I guess you could say that those of us who dream use more logic in our dreams. To me the most gifted of the dreamers are those who have the ability to both dream and fantasize they are able to dream into the future. They are the ones that dream “the impossible dream” and then make it happen. They are the ones that use the stepping stones of today to walk us into the unforeseen future of tomorrow. God filled each of our hearts with dreams. The more of our dreams we bring forth and fulfill the easier we’ll find it to open our hearts for our next one. If we hide our dreams and share them with no one, we are robbing ourselves of the creative part of our heart. Sooner or later that heart will wither and fade away leaving only the shell that held all of our dreams, hopes, promises, and joys of our youth. The poorest people on earth are those unwilling to open their hearts to let their dreams flow from those hearts. Also, high on my don’t like list, are those that try to make others dream “their way”. Each person’s dreams and fantasies are different, even for identical twins. Our dreams are similar to our finger prints in that no two are the same. That’s what makes each an individual. Today’s schools are the place to learn of the dreams and accomplishments of others. The teachers are there to ignite that spark that opens hearts and minds of inquisitive young people. We cannot afford to let the unruly and undisciplined control those classrooms. Our dropout rate is way too high. We must find a better way to encourage those young dreamers. Those who WANT to learn. Those who know in their hearts that they can find the dreams “to make it better”! Without our dreams and fantasies we all would be no more than the walking dead and sad to say I don’t have to look far to see more and more of this in today’s society. It’s our duty to encourage our kids to dream THEIR dreams but we must not try to change those individual dreams God put in each of their hearts. Many of our greatest inventers had the ability to take the completed dreams of others and then improve on them. Today this is known as progress. It seems that God puts some of the greatest dreams in the hearts of the least of us. Great dreams are not restricted to race, creed, color or the amount of money in your bank account, each time you dream just thank your God for the blessing. This one is for Sam.

My World

I’m back, with a few more scars, but I now have it back under control! The me I like better is back in control! All, or maybe I should say most of, the negatives that unloaded on me are back in their place. Was it a learning experience? You bet it was! Now back to my subject; my world, or maybe I should say the world my God and I put to gather for me is, I can’t really say it’s a wonderful world, but it is not that bad a place to live in. I still find myself continually looking for those good things to walk through the door of my life. I now know that I have to be a little more selective when that door is open, I have learned that an open door is also an invitation for all of the bad things standing around just waiting to sneak in. Long ago I learned that those negative things made me feel sad and unimportant and all the positive things helped me feel good. That was the time in my life that I became over confident and a bit selfish. I’m sure we’ve all said it; it can’t happen to me. I started believing all those positive things were put in my world “just for me!” As I started seeing all of those “just for me” things I forgot that my world also had a lot of bad things floating around. I had learned that many times others would blindly walk past blessings that I knew were put there just for me to see. I would have never believed that bad stuff could also have been put there “just for me to see!” As I talked to others, I found myself amazed by how many were only finding negatives in their lives! I found many that, in their quest for ugly, they were trampling over the unseen beauty and blessing put before them, never realizing the beauty of those things before their presence! I learned that beauty only remains beauty until someone brings ugly into the picture. I learned that many times beauty is surrounded by ugly. I’m reminded of a lighthouse that I was photographing on an island off of Washington State. Everything was “just right!” The light was great, the sky was blue, an old schooner was just off shore, but I wanted to get that “just right” angle. As I concentrated on my subject I walked out into a briar patch. The instant before I pushed the shutter button both of my feet slipped under a vine and I fell face down in that field of thorns! As I put my hands down to push myself up, there was nothing under my hands but thorns! I had to lay there until help arrived! I got my picture, but by that time nothing was the same! Sometimes we have to endure a little pain to find that beauty! It brought back the memory of a childhood friend that always warned me “Bob you got to remember, it ain’t always gonna be easy!” The world of my youth, always found me wondering what was over the next hill or around the next turn. Of my mid life, it was, one beautiful place after another, often looking for that special sunrise or sunset. My today’s world is limited to a few hours work, then several hours spent looking out my front window, while relaxing in the comfortably nest I’ve created for myself. It’s a great world! I now have the time to watch plants and animals grow. I have time to do things that I was always too busy to do before! Yes, Bob’s head is again back on straight!!!

Truth Or Storytelling

A few days ago, the award winning movie director, Oliver Stone made a statement that really made me start to think. He said, “We don’t know what the dialog really was, so we fill in the blanks the way we think it should have been!” I’ve been told that my God sometimes speaks the same words to several, but each finds a different meaning in those same words. I believe words are given to us as starting points, and then we are to digest those words in our hearts and then use them as each heart sees them. Something that has surprised me is; how often I can go back and reread my older essays and find new meaning in them, an entirely different meaning than I originally planned. Throughout our world, we still can find tribes that have no written history. Their history is passed down by “Storytellers.” I have never heard them referred to as historians. Could it be that history always looks better with a little embellishment? In all wars, all religions, in life in general there is always two rights and two wrongs. It always depends upon which side you are on! Even your belief! Could it be that quite often we have to bend reality to make it sound right? One time, when talking about life, Steve Jobs said “Sometimes we don’t know how to push the right key.” I might add, sometimes we can’t find that “right key!” Sometimes we must rethink the margins of our pages so that we leave room for our side notes. Often we find those side notes to be the most important part of our writing! That is the place we rethink all we have written. I look upon all religions as storytelling. Even though, most will tell you that they believe their “Holy Book” to be the word of God. I can’t remember ever being told that they know it to be God’s word! We must remember most have been translated from hearsay. And we all know that man has a history of controlling facts to fit his beliefs, of filling in the blanks. The way he thought it should have been done! And, most of us want to fill in those blanks our way! The more thought I give to my deciding what is truth and what is storytelling is something like a juggling act. Truth is what each of us feels in our own heart. Storytelling is what most of us has learned to accept as truth. Each of us must decide what is right for us.